My Story

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Andrew my 1st born of 6 children. I absolutely adored him and knew from the first time I set eyes on him he was going to be very special. Andrew was born with a rare liver condition and had to have about 14 hours of light treatment every day to keep him alive.

At the age of 9 he underwent a partial liver transplant the 1st child in the world to have such an operation for that condition. He did well for a while then was listed again for a second transplant. This didn't go so well when he got it at 11. He contracted 1 infection after another, underwent several operations and suffered terrribly. Not once did he complain and I admired him so much.

Andrew was a very spiritual child and during his illness would often come out with things that were hard to comprehend. He believed he suffered for other people and it would prevent those less able to cope from suffering. He was very connected to angels and there was one incident in which I was driving from Belfast to Yorkshire. The red light was on in my car when I reached the boat in Belfast but because Iwas late I thought I would get petrol in Scotland. On my arrival nowhere was open, so I kept on driving in the hope I find somewhere on my way. It was late at night and I had 4 children in the car. No mobile phones and I was becoming afraid of stopping. Andrew was sitting next to me and told me not to be afraid as the angels would push the car if we asked them. I drove 88 miles until I came to the outskirts of Dumfries when Andrew started directing me where to go. It was 2 o'clock in the morning and we'd never been there before but Andrew directed me to a single petrol pump with a man sitting in a hut reading the newspaper. Til this day I often wonder at Andrew's insight. He died not long after that.

He took lymphoma as a side effect to the medication he was on. We were on the beach collecting shells on boxing day, he complained of a sore throat a couple of days later and by the 19th of January he was dead. He suffered a great deal in those days yet refused pain relief as he wanted to talk to me. He eventually was put into a medical coma to give him a rest.

The day he died I sensed he was going and was sitting by his bed in intensive care when his nurse asked me if I would be ok while he went to help another nurse. Once he had left the bedside I heard Andrew 'speak' He just said I'm ok now mum. Despite all the monitors saying he was alive I knew he had left. The nurse didn't believe me but it was confirmed by a doctor. I got into bed and held him, I was shocked at how much he'd seemed to have grown and yet this was my baby. All the ward staff; consultants, cleaners, doctors and nurses came to see me and him in bed and everyone of them cried and said what an impact he'd had on their lives.

The hospital priest was called and he broke down, he'd visited Andrew every day when he was admitted to hopital. Andrew always told me to go away and have a coffee while he was talking to the priest and the priest told me after his death he'd learned so much from Andrew during those times.

It is 12 years since Andrew's death, I believe he has gone on to better things and lived his life to the full while with me. He inspired and helped a lot in the 12 years he was with us and I am grateful for that. I miss him, I miss him with every fibre of my being. The years don't change that. There are less days now when I feel as though I'm going to die of the pain of his loss but I will take that pain to my grave.

Andrew was survived by his sister who has the same condition and who underwent 3 transplants. She was only 10 months younger than him and felt his loss very acutely. She is 23 now and gave birth to a beautiful boy in 2006. My first grandchild and very similar to Andrew in looks. I was at his birth and it was the happiest and saddest day since Andrew's death. I missed him so much knowing he had a nephew he'd never see.

Andrew also has a brother who was 2 years younger. He found it difficult to deal with Andrew's loss as he couldn't talk about it. It is only recently that he has been able to mention his name without crying.

Andrew's younger sister was only 5 at the time of his death and has a more limited memory of him and yet seems to be the most sensitive to the pain we are all in.

Since Andrew's death I had a little girl, Nicole Alice, she died shortly after being born and I like to think Andrew has her with him.

I also had another son 5 years ago. He came into our home when it was at it's darkest and gave us all a new focus. He has identical eyes to Andrew and sometimes when I catch him looking at me my heart turns over.

Andrew darling we all love you and miss you. I know you never really left us and although we have been through some terrible times I never forgot what you taught me and it has helped to stay strong.

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